A bit of a bum deal.

Ok, so I have debating whether or not to post this blog post or not because it is pretty embarrassing, but YOLO. So at the weekend I went to stay at my boyfriend's parents house for the very first time. It was pretty daunting to say the least, especially because I have been with Dom for nearly 2 years so I think I had put it off long enough (I have met them before, just never been to their house). Anyway, I had the loveliest weekend, Dom's parents were super lovely and I ate like a Queen.

On Friday, we went to Blackburn for a Indian meal, at this really authentic Indian restaurant. So in my head I knew that Dom's mum is really into spicy food so I knew that I would look a bit of a divvy if I ordered a Korma, I needed to impress her somehow and not look like a total wimp so I decided to order a Chicken tikka Masala. When it came it was delicious but a lot spicier than I had anticipated but I managed to get my hands on some yoghurt and sneaked some onto my plate to cool it down. So the meal was lovely and we went home and I didn't think anymore about the spicy tikka masala and gave myself a sly pat on the back for nearly not looking like a wimp.

So Dom and I were chilling in his room watching some South Park, and my stomach started to gargle and start moving around like an over excited puppy. I didn't think anything of it and just assumed that the bombay doors would be opening pretty soon. So I went to bed and fell asleep, to be awoken at 3am in a sweat, thinking "Oh brill I've fell asleep with my socks on again", no socks. I felt like my insides were on fire and that there was a 50/50 chance as to which end was going to erupt first. So in a panic I jumped out of bed in complete darkness and whacked my head on the door frame in a poor sleep dazed rush to run to the bathroom (light concussion perhaps?). So I stood over the toilet and waited for my body to decide which part of my body would reject the anger and disdain trying desperately to evacuate. With that I stood over the toilet and felt hot lava vomit spew down the toilet from my unsuspecting lips. In horror I looked into the toilet pan to see tikka masala from earlier, and upon revelation round 2 started to occur, then round 3, then round 4 and round 5 that decided to come out the other end of my body for a sit down performance. After round 345 (It seemed like that anyway) I found myself swinging off the toilet seat with complete dizziness after the volcano eruption and the slight concussion from whacking my head and passed out on the bathroom floor with my pj bottoms round my ankles and vomit encrusted round my mouth. Numerous hours later I awoke to the smell of my own demise and to the sound of another human approaching the bathroom, in a mad realisation I noticed that I had infact not locked the bathroom door so I quickly flushed the toilet and pulled up my rebellious pj bottoms and dashed for the bathroom door to run back to bed. But unfortunately as I opened the bathroom door I was greeted by Dom's Dad John on the landing.

                               *FUCK*

"Morning! You're up early cock!" He said.
"Ahh well the early bird catches the worm" I said in a sleepy daze
"Well it looks like someone has already had breakfast" Pointing at my mouth.....where still lurked tikka masala encrusted vomit. YES. That is correct in my mad rush I had completely forgotten about the lava still lurking on my lips. I don't think I have laughed so awkwardly in my life. And for the rest of the weekend John would make jokes about me being a messy eater and insisting to give me napkins at every meal time.

.

 Oh ground swallow me up.